Laos National Anthem

Mr Irrelevant restores his clean reputation

MARY HANNIGAN

HOLD THE BACK PAGE:  IT’S ONE of the more unkind tags in sport. ‘Mr Irrelevant’ – the title given to the last player picked in the annual American National Football League draft, a bit like those forlorn kids left standing on their own because no one wants to pick them for the team. And if they are called up, they’re always stuck in goal.

Well, that’s the wretched experience David Vobora endured in 2008 when the University of Idaho linebacker was the 252nd and last pick of that year’s draft.

He did, though, get a trophy for his troubles, the ‘Lowsman’ – a skit on the Heisman Trophy which is awarded to the outstanding college player in America every year. While the Heisman, modelled on Ed Smith, a leading player from the 1930s, shows a footballer in a rather glorious action pose, the Lowsman shows him fumbling the ball.

Still, despite the humiliation of it all, Vobora was offered a three-year, $1.24 million contract with the St Louis Rams. (To put that deal in context, though, the overall first pick that year, Jake Long, agreed a five-year deal with the Miami Dolphins – worth $57.75 million).

In November of 2008 Vobora became the first ‘Mr Irrelevant’ since 1994 to start an NFL game in his rookie season, impressing sufficiently to be named the Rams’ starting strongside linebacker for the following campaign.

But just when his football career was becoming relevant, Vobora was suspended for four games for testing positive for methyltestosterone, a banned substance that showed up in an NFL drug test.

While the Rams stood by Vobora, the player returning to the team after he served his suspension, he had, he said, been branded a ‘drugs cheat’ and received more than a few unpleasant letters containing both threats and wishes that his career go down the pan.

Not unlike most sports people who fail drugs tests, Vobora insisted he was innocent, claiming that he had good cause to believe he was using a safe product after checking the ingredients of ‘Ultimate Sports Spray’, manufactured by Anti-Steroid Program LLC (also known as Sports With Alternatives to Steroids – SWATS) on the NFL’s hotline for players with questions about supplements.

National Anthems: Laos – Stumpy Moose

Adopted in 1947, two years before this small Southeast Asian country gained independence from France, the original version of the Lao national anthem was written in 1941. Sisana Sisane wrote new lyrics for Thongdy Sounthonevichit’s music in 1975, when the Communist Lao People’s Democratic Republic was established.

Pheng Xat Lao’s jolly, Eastern-flavoured melody seems somewhat at odds with lyrics about how the Laotian people will “no longer allow imperialists and traitors to harm them” but somehow that adds to the charm.

It’s no stirring epic but it’s nice enough.

Fun Laos Fact: Laos is one of only four countries still run as a single-party Communist state, the others being China, Cuba and Vietnam. (North Korea is technically run by a “united front” of three parties.)

Bonus Laos Fact: The French/English name “Laos” is simply the plural of “Lao”, Laos being made up of three historic Lao kingdoms — a bit like Hartlepools United , really.

7.